Fixing the Supreme Court's Wagon

Well, well, well…

The utterly useless Supreme Court has just used the 14th Amendment to strike down the Voting Rights Act. You have to be a real cognoscenti of white racism to understand the incredible irony of this. The Klan of 6 have done their duty to take us way back to 1868, when hooded hoodlums terrorized recently emancipated slaves. And the New Dixiecrat party (known to us as Republicans) can’t wait to redistrict minority districts out of existence. Well, that’s what you get when you elect fascist racists.

The only solution, of course, is to turn the Republican Party into the new extinct Whig Party. We can do that in November. I don’t know where the 35 percent of lost human souls are going to go after that, but I don’t care. If I had my druthers, they’d be sent to forced labor camps: They can be set to work digging a new White Sea Canal. With their thumbs. First honest job for most of them.

But what to do about the crazy Supreme Court? Some hotheads might say six bullets will do the job, but I say the Court is so hopeless that, actually, they need help. Desperately! So let’s help them! And give them four new justices! That would make 13 in all. And that fits!… Thirteen colonies, thirteen original states, why not Thirteen Justices? nd there’s another very good reason for 13 justices. Did you know that there are 13 Circuit Court Districts? Oh yes!! One Justice for each Circuit. How nice. Now they won’t be overworked! Such nice thoughts for our 250th Anniversary Year. And the number of justices, you’ll be very happy to know, is not set!

1789 = 6 Justices

1801 = 5 Justices

1802 = 6 Justices

1807 = 7 Justices

1863 = 10 Justices

1866 = 7 Justices

1869 = 9 Justices

2029 = 13 Justices (Time for a change!)

Of course, this means the anti-democratic Senate filibuster will have to be sent to the ash heap of history. Good riddance to it. And woe betide any Democratic Senator (except John Fetterman, who suffers from brain damage) who opposes this.

But that’s not all. Oh no! The 13 Justices are just one part of a larger “Judiciary Act of 2029” that can make the Supreme Court a bit more egalitarian and more responsive to the America people rather than American wealth. Here’s some more fun!…

1) Rotate the Chief Justice position. Justices may be appointed for life, but the idea of a Chief Justice is not part of the Constitution. So let’s make it revolving. Like the Presidency. For a 4 year term. Maybe… with one, only one, reëlection. We’ll let the 13 Justices pick from among themselves! John Roberts is immediately excluded—He’s had his term. This idea is a great way to ensure that the Justices learn to coöperate with each other. Once they have a chance to be Chief Justice, they’ll ALL want their turn.

2) We can’t force Justices to retire from the court for age, but we can prevent them from being eligible to be Chief Justice. No one over 70 can serve. If you turn 70 and were just elected when you were a youngish 69, you still get booted. Tough luck.

3) Cough up all those financial records, you guys and gals. Every year. For public scrutiny. We want to know what you’re up to. Non-compliance is impeachable. As is bribery and influence peddling as you will soon find out, Clarence Thomas.

The Roberts Court will go down in history as one of the worse. It’s certainly one of the least popular. Right down there with Chlamydia. “Fixing their wagon,” as described here, will not cause unrest. And I expect the appointments that will come after 2029 will balance out the rightwing deviation so prevalent in this court. Lawyers and law firms representing Civil Rights, Civil Liberties, Anti-Trust, Environmental Policy, Election Financing, Presidential Power and Culpability, will be certain to bring as many cases as necessary to wipe out the ill-considered precedents put forth by this mangy group of jurists. And these cases will be settled quickly: On the Shadow Docket! The one so abused by Roberts and his co-conspirators. What goes around comes around, muthafuckas.